Dec. 21st, 2014

kafj: headshot of KAFJ looking over right shoulder (Default)
Today, I invite you to consider: what sorts of signs and symbols have recurred for you in 2014? Think: repeating colours, shapes, people, sayings, music, images, ideas. Where could they possibly be leading you?



Mermaids - cheating, rather, because I went looking for mermaids once I discovered what an apt metaphor they were. Mermaids for me are a useful way of thinking about fiction, these creatures that look almost the same as us, but who, moving from one element to another, need things provided or explained that feel obvious in this world.

Rainbows - Lots of them, this year. There were a couple of weeks in the autumn where it seemed as if every day I saw a rainbow from the window of my train home. One of these felt particularly apt, coming on the day that Vicky Beeching came out. And there's one that falls on the wall at work, when the sun comes a certain way through the windows. I think the obvious message is obvious here. I have been managing to be more out this year, if (it feels) less active.

Bells - the quarter-hour chimes from the church opposite my office, bringing me back to the moment.

Purple - I know it's my favourite colour, but even my study wall was purple when we moved in. Still preparing, still waiting. But also luxury and sovereignty.

Inventive ways of transporting things - well, I have moved to Cambridge, and you would not believe what weird things I've seen carried dangled from a bicycle's handlebars. I managed to bring a planter of herbs home in my own bike basket (only spilt a few bark chippings); but the best one I saw was a chap on a skateboard, moving at a good speed through the railway station car park, with a wide, flat cardboard package balanced on his head. I am not sure if this has a moral, but I note it.

Chocolate - it's good stuff, an inexpensive indulgence.

Illness - mental or physical, one way or another I've been ill on and off since August. I think it's trying to say that I need some rest.
kafj: headshot of KAFJ looking over right shoulder (Default)
One thing I learned in 2014 was how to make space for joy and levity, even in the midst of challenging circumstances or sad times.

How could you make space for joy in the year to come? How could you protect it?




I have noted repeatedly that this is going to be the year for fun. I am going to seek fun out deliberately. I am hoping that there will be joy coming along with the fun.

One thing that I found immensely useful in 2014 was the #100happydays meme. I am a little cynical about forced gratitude, particularly of the sort imposed on one from outside ('cheer up, there are children starving in Africa', or, 'cheer up, it might never happen') but this practice, taken on because I wished to do it, proved to be surprisingly joyful in itself, so much so that I have embarked upon it again. Even on the darkest days (today is 21st December, we note) it had me looking for one single good thing to talk about, and, once I'd found that, I often found more.

It's always there. I just have to find it.

And what of levity? I gave up drinking alcohol this year but find, at least on the evidence of Friday's office Christmas party, that my sense of levity has declined not one whit. It had been a very long time since I laughed so hard that I was nearly sick. It's very good to know that this is still within me.
kafj: headshot of KAFJ looking over right shoulder (Default)
What can you say today with certainty?



From here, the days get lighter.

I have a friend who asks me exactly the right questions (even if I never answer them).

I know what is the next step on Speak Its Name.

Things are grim, but they do not stay grim.


In 2015, I am open to... huge, exciting, things happening

In 2015, I want to feel... light-hearted and full of grace

In 2015, I will say no to... over-commitment

In 2015, I will know I am on the right track when... I see the secret holiness of everything. But when I find myself veering off course, I will gently but firmly... rewrite my timetable so that I have a day or a week free to reset what needs resetting

In December 2015, I want to look back and say... that, my love, was the best year ever.

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Kathleen Jowitt

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